I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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