His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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