garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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