Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
PS: I just woke up from my shower
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Congratulations! We have a period
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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