and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
