Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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