you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How external is "for external use only"?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I forget how to act sober
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