I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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