I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
