She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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