Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
