Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
