I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
