eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
