I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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