I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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