trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So squirting runs in the family.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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