Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
