My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
