Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
