You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
