y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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