Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Enjoy the penises
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
