wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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