Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
