haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
