I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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