the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
