The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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