You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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