After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
