Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize