Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize