Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
