Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
