WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
