i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
