Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
