You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
