do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
