whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
