Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
