I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
