I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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