i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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