got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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