do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
