I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
