i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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