so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
