I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
