you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
