I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
