I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
