She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
