apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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