we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
