What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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