If that was your dad, he is hot
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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