I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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