i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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