He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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